no word to describe how i feel today..other den worrying n worrying more over on how shld i deal wit that Mr X for tis comin sat meeting, wat reali upsets me is actuali about the poor turn out for my comin bdae gathering. it comes to a point dat i almost burst out cryin alot of times durin work today. one fren sms sayin not gg, frankly speaking, i have been tryin to b nice by arrangin the right kind of ppl to b dere so tis fren won feel so left out. I took effort by sms-ing every single one of them,changing dates to suit everyone but ironically end up it wasn't. Sms-ing again to reconfirm the date n spelling out the details. To me, by being detailed n repeating myself is a chore so i consider dere's effort involved. Now i wonder y shld i take so much effort in doing it cuz it juz end up i got so effected when it didn't turn out like wat i wanted it to be. The impt part isn't abt whether i get present or cele wit me separately another day. cuz my primary objective is to have a gathering. Bdae was just an excuse. I agree wit one fren. 'U r the bdae ger, u shld decide when to cele' in other words, ppl shld accomodate me not the other way round. It sounds better, n i won feel so miserable. although it's selfish thinking. sometimes being selfish isn't so bad after all.

I'm reali glad that my 21st bdae was being in-charge by my darling. Or else i wld hav a mental breakdown cuz i get so emotional over something dat it jus dun go the way i want it to be. I tink im being too naive dat usin bdae wld b a good reason to gather ppl.

In conclusion i had no mood n interest to carry on the cele so i jus told dem dat i decided to call it off. I dun wish to pull a long face to those who can turn up or pretend dat im enjoying when im not. N the more i wld not want to force those who are unable or unwilling to come. Den it is not enjoyable at all.come for the sake of coming. duhs.

Saving the hassle n trouble for myself, is to stop havin big n unrealistic dreams of exciting bdae cele(i learnt my lesson after 2 times) cuz it's no longer my 21st bdae. N it feels good to let yr fren plans for u den u go n trouble over how n where to cele. pardon me for saying it but No one is allowed to mention abt the cele anymore cuz i lost interest n enthusiasm.

after long n torturous work wit difficulty to suppress my overwhleming emotion, i was glad when i finally release from work. Decided to go on a shoppin spree b4 meetin yunxin for dinner. Shopping was the best therapy for mood swings ladies. But end up didn't buy anythg. Met my dear yunxin n did quite alot of catch up. she also had fun teachin me on how to pronounce right sounding english=D I realise how bad i reali sound when i speak in english=.='''

Oh joke of the day. heard from my dear jean. She said Jason's fren(jason is my uni fren) illegally brought back a puppy he bought from chatuchatt market in thailand n suprisingly the puppy was exceptionally quiet during the flight so no one noticed dat this fren had a dog wit him. So when he's back in spore, he asked his mum to look after it while he went to sch. Den one day his mum called him n said in a frantic tone dat the puppy was something wrong cuz it started to walk on 2 legs out of a sudden. (for tis moment i tot the puppy kanna possessed...my fren after hearin the joke tot the puppy was drunk=.=) She was so scared dat she locked the puppy in a room for itself until the AVA ppl come n dealed wit it. i heard that AVA was actuali those animals controller organisation. Den tis fren n mum kanna fined n warned for 200 bucks. y? cuz they illegally hide a bear in their house. (diaoz,,at tis moment i was like?? WTH?? a bear??!) so it sorta cheered me up a bit after im in a shitty mood thinkin no where i wld cheer up unless i go shoppin. Thanks ah Jean=D