sob sob..darling when r u back??im facing so many challenging stuff while u r gone..first my oni source of finance is gone(your atm card kana deactivate due to my carelessness for not collectin from the shop after purchasing peiyi's bdae present cuz it's a huge sum n i no $$ to pay so use liam's $$ first dun get me wrong im not usin his money to hui1 huo4) thank God i stil survive becuz God is reali lookin after me...it jus happen so nice dat every now n den when i no money sure sumone wil treat me food..Thank God my su4su4 i stayin wif work wit sunshine bread so endless supplies of bread to eat. Den my hp failed on me de 2nd day u r gone!! de loudspeaker is faulty so when ppl call, no ringtone oni vibration. now i realise i freak out easily. darling..i been too dependent on u le..once u gone, i reali feel very very lost.. how?? can u come back?? i wish i can sleep straight 10 days so de next moment u wil b beside me le. sob...

Den today is the most headache of all.
xiao yu(my church teacher) called me while i was on bus 854 home after peiyi's 21st bdae party. she said pastor lam called her n said liam's mum was lookin for me. i was so shocked. how wld pastor lam noe liam's mum lookin for me?? if she is most prob she call my hp. den to my horror i realise she muz b dun haf my number. den maybe she kept de church service leaflet she attended once a while so got number to refer to. Omg..for a split sec i tot sumting happen to liam. tried to kept calm. called his mum immediately.. over the other side of the phone was a veri upset n stressed up voice wanting me to go over to liam's house immediately. she said she hurt herself durin work, got her hand scalded(she work as dish collector at one of boon lay coffee shop) den she need sum one to pei her..she feel lonely cuz liam's dad always drunk(n i mean it wa duh) den his sis not gg home so she turned to me. for a moment i was like???? huh..sis not gg home??how can b?? so i called his sis to find out more. den his sis said dat auntie called her durin work she was veri bz so she fu1yan3 her by sayin not gg home. den after work actuali she is plannin to go home de..wa i heave a sigh of relief when i heard dat she gg home.

Den now i feel so guilty cuz my final decision is not to go home. when liam's mum wants me to go. cuz de reasons r as follow. some may seems valid while de rest r purely excuse or lazy

1) his house damn ulu which make me hesitate to go(lazy n timid)
2)tired after whole day of hoohah(lazy)
3)sis n her husband gg home le so got ppl to take care n it's enuff(valid)
4)tml gg church not convenient(selfishness n im repenting)
5)no money to rush cab down, though got some money wit me but it's consider liam's de dun wan spend..(super narrow minded n rigid thinkin..liam sure dun mind de)
6)felt dat his mum is makin a big fuss cuz his sis seems calm..cant b his sis cold blooded ba(my own analytical view)
7)moreover even xiaoyu laoshi says got sis shld b okie le dun worry so much so i tink dun go nvm(valid)
8)dun wan go cuz i scared i cant stand her grumble n over emotional reaction(i wil get irritated cuz i dun see a pt.)
9) den dad always drunk..i get more frustrated cuz i need to face to face n i dun like it.(told liam i dun like his dad to b always so drunk.)

so conclusion didnt go lor.. den now guilty conscience strikes me liao..consult yan n he say i better go tml. at least show some concern. ya i wil. so shal go sleep w/o lettin tis botherin me cuz i gg tml!!! thanks Yan.

darling....i cant tk it le..u muz come back soon b4 i break down....T_T