Recently, dunno why I start to pick up the hobby of reading..reading a novel has not been always my fav things on my list, as i find it time consuming n mind sapping. I even have the paranoid thoughts of reading too much will made me wear specs!! ahaha..But i also have contradict thoughts of wanting to wear specs cuz i wan to look like a cool GEEK. HAHAHA..if best come with braces...it's an expensive fashion tag.
I tot, after i came back from mission trip, i will have more time n energy to channel into my wedding prep. But well, i sorta lose the momentum. sometimes i wonder, is it because liam is not with me? I feel kinda hollow. It's an agony to restart my motor again..or is it because i finish my photoshoot le so no more to look forward??
Met up with sin n fei on Monday to settle some bdae present..den on casual chit chat on MRT, Sin said something which strikes me. " You dun always wait till last min then anyhow make decision or choose something cuz u do not have the time already..n regret later.."
I regurgitate n think abt wat she says, definitely it makes sense. i also knew it myself but i always choose to avoid/ignore/escape. FInally God is letting me understand more about myself, not just understand, also to learn from my weakness n make it into a strength.
Like my self centeredness..everything about me me me. Like only I will think in this way. But, actually, alot of ppl went thru the same thought as me just that they nvr express openly. It sorta surprised me when this thought dawned upon me. Surely i won't suddenly open my mind or become more knowledgeable, it is God Who wants to speak to me. I prayed to HIM to lower the PRIDE in me..n HE did it in bits n pieces, so that i will not have a shock. haha.
Ya, i just realised i love to escape from prob!! or slight difficulties!! or even a mere challenge i will turn myself away! Liam's dad, liam's mum, recent job issue. When liam is not around me, i have to b independent, n have to learn to face it. Last time when i escape from it, Liam can settle. But now he is not around, im like the front line, facing all the issue which needs trouble shooting =(
Dealing with his parents (major project sia)
Paying credit card bills
Settling tenants little misunderstanding with his parents
doing administrative stuff for liam/liam sis/liam dad
Dealing with his temperamental computer
Fighting mould issues in his room
All these may sound stupid/lame/nothing to u..but these are the little hurdles me myself have to overcome in my life right now. it is time consuming, tedious, not pleasurable at all n mind boggling. These can b Satan's tools to dislike them more, but i view it as blessing in disguise. to mould me, shape me n use me when times to come...
Tired liao..nights.
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